Compromising yourself

Have you ever noticed catching yourself mid-conversation thinking if you are or aren’t sharing too much? Maybe limiting yourself to expressing your thoughts or what you feel? Or maybe even preparing beforehand for a conversation- as though it was a presentation? Why do we do this? 

I think there is this sense of personal limitation that we place on ourselves for the simple reason of comparisons to the expectations we are meant to live up to. If we begin to notice the number of times we begin to prepare ourselves for the situations we don’t know we are going to face but assume we will, we will be surprised by how much we want to be in control of situations. 

I am taking this fascinating course; one of the lectures focused on self-expression and the interactions among individuals, the impressions we give and the self-limiting beliefs we have that are influenced by the society we live in. It is not to say that we are bound by what others expect, but how we feel pressured to adapt to those expectations. I think that conversation is one of the consequences of these limitations. 

I had a time where I would stop myself from saying things, not necessarily for contextual reasons, but because of socialization reasons. What I mean by this is that there is a time and a place to behave and act appropriately, but there are other moments, where we create this internal battle in trying to understand or figure out the best way to adjust our behaviour to certain situations. This is not to say that we alter who we are or change our sense of self, but the way we accommodate certain reactions and behaviours depends on the people we are with or the places we are in. Some people have no issue with being constantly the same version in every context, but I find that to be quite difficult. I am not saying that I necessarily change who I am, but it is just like sharing certain information with people and choosing not to with others. However, I do find that when it comes to certain interactions where we find ourselves immediately trying to expect an outcome of certain interactions, we want to also understand how it is that we can control or find that sense of control within that scenario. The hard thing to accept is how we have no control and we cannot predict or expect anything in different scenarios, no matter how much we try and control it. 

I recently have found myself interacting and meeting people and it is fascinating to see my change in behavior and compare it to how I used to react or behave in certain interactions. I used to be so fixated on saying the right thing or trying to figure out what to share and what not to. But I came to realize that if we simply allow things to be - obviously being conscious of being respectful and mindful of what is being said - we can allow conversations to flow without limiting ourselves to the openness of curiosity and discovery. When I began to shift my interpretation of interactions, allowing myself to not expect an outcome and to flow in the present moment, I allowed things to be more natural; it felt so much more freeing. I think that if we put limitations on ourselves, or have expectations, we pressure ourselves into thinking we have to act and behave in ways that are not fulfilling for the self. This may restrain us from also discovering more of who we are because we are too focused on the external factors that we are pressured into adjusting to. One of the things that helped me was when I heard someone tell me: You don’t have to adjust to those around you, but allow the things around you to adjust to who you are. The way I interpreted this is by allowing yourself to be as authentic as possible without needing to alter who you are or compromise yourself for the sake of a moment in time. When we begin to allow the things around us to adjust to who we are rather than the other way around, we start to align more with what is meant for us and things that will help us grow and become more of who we are. 

So, I ask you, how much of yourself do you adapt to the situations that you are in? What parts of the self do you compromise for the sake of trying to find fulfillment in external factors rather than allowing yourself to be fulfilled with what you already have?

Z.