Congruent Values

I have connected more with my values recently, understanding how and what it is that allows me to connect and align with them. I realized that values are different among each person we come across. However, I also questioned why we have the values we do and why others have different ones. But not only did I question the background of this vital concept that defines a big part of who we are, but how it relates to others. I found that the values one has are in a way the boundaries we place on certain things we do or the people we connect with, and it is not necessarily a bad thing. The fact that we can connect with whoever we choose to connect with is beautiful, and there is no limitation in that aspect. Because a stranger can become a confidant in just a few moments, just like a person we thought we connected so well with can become a stranger. 

However, as I mentioned, I have allowed myself to meet and connect with people. I found it a bit hard to open myself up again as I found my trust to be broken or questioned because of a difficult situation. Yet, I am still connected with love and the beauties life offers. Now, don’t get me wrong, it can be difficult at times to just open up again, allowing others to pass those filters we place to test the amount that we can trust a person, but then again, we break them down to give others an opportunity as to not compare past situations with current ones. Needless to say, this concept of values - for me at least - has been a turning point in discovering and connecting with a part of me that I had been resisting being in alignment with out of fear that others would not accept me. But, I also found that being able to trust and connect with myself, has allowed me to understand this concept of boundaries. Boundaries are a bit difficult to understand if you are used to putting yourself second or people-pleasing. 

I recently caught myself in this pattern of establishing boundaries that caught me off-guard but in an eye-opening way. I had told myself that I would give myself a chance to be congruent with my values and put myself first to align with what works best for me so I can heal and grow. I had placed a boundary for the first time in a while, realizing that if I were to stay true to myself, I must respect the boundary that I had placed. However, when that boundary is tested the first time around, we can begin that path of breaking certain patterns of behaviour or reaction. So, I gave myself the chance to stay congruent. A few moments later, I began to overthink this boundary I had placed and questioned not how I felt, but what the other person felt and why they were held back or confused. I then sat down for a few moments and began to realize that this pattern I used to have of people-pleasing was rooted in the lack of consistency with the boundaries I would want to place and how often they were being broken. I realized that if I were to feel guilty for doing something for my sake, I would be putting myself second. I had gone down that rabbit hole already and did not want to do that again. So, I gave myself a chance to follow along with this boundary I placed because it seemed to be aligned with the values I was now connecting more with. It felt quite nice to think about how I felt for a change, not to disregard what the other person was feeling, but to also think about how I felt in those moments.

I realized that the values one has may not be aligned with others, and that is okay. The way one behaves may not please everybody, and that is okay. As long as we are true to who we are and aligned with the values we think are vital in life, it is okay to do what you think is right for you. So, why don’t you put yourself first and do what aligns with who you are rather than trying to please all those around you for the sake of validation and recognition? Why don’t you acknowledge your emotions, and consider them just as important as the emotions of others? You can be compassionate with others and also with yourself, you know?

Z.