Drive your own car

Growing up, I became accustomed to being guided by others. I got used to letting others take control over my life, wanting me to meet (unrealistic) expectations or causing me to doubt my decisions when they didn't align with others. For a time, I assumed it was just the pressure we feel; other times, it felt like I was simply floating around on autopilot (living in a daze) because I had lost control of my life to someone else, hoping for the best while sitting back. Now, this might sound a bit dramatic, but it’s a feeling I believe many others have experienced as well. Recently, I had one of the biggest aha! moments of my life, which opened my eyes to why I kept repeating certain patterns, one in particular. 

I came to understand that I would move from person to person, depending on them for guidance because I realized I didn’t trust myself enough to lead my own life. Ironic, isn’t it? You live your life, yet you hope someone else will live it for you. This pattern became a cycle that I began to notice some time ago; I had even written down the steps I would take to break a particular cycle (in specific areas of my life), yet I still didn’t understand why or how that cycle repeated itself across different aspects of my life. 

REALIZATION OF PATTERN → REBEL AGAINST FAMILIARITY → REALIZATION OF REBELLION → ACCEPTANCE

However, this cycle was where I found myself losing that spark, that personal sense of direction. When I felt lost, I granted power to others. I felt like I was in a constant battle with myself, trying to find that balance. But when did it change? How did it change? Why did I finally realize that missing piece of the puzzle that was limiting me to live in a repeated cycle?

For one, I have been drawn to rediscovering more about myself and how I live my life. I found myself feeling displaced. Yet, I had gathered all these tools—so for what? To let them sit on memory lane without using them? That was not going to happen anymore! I grew tired of beating myself up and dragging myself down. Although I started catching myself quicker in these patterns, that wasn’t enough for me; I wanted to stop feeling that way entirely. So, I took a step back. I took a step back and realized that some people in my life were guiding me in a direction that didn’t feel aligned with me. I also began to be a bit kinder and brutally honest with myself so I could wake up.

The analogy I related to this feeling of taking control of your own life was like driving on the highway. There comes a point when you see the car in front of you going in the same direction, and you start to follow it, stopping to check your GPS. But there’s a rule when driving: keep a certain distance as a precaution in case of an incident. It is the same with your own life. We sometimes lose track of our personal GPS because we start following the person ahead of us, thinking they know the road better because they are ahead. However, you sometimes need to step back and maintain that distance to realize that they may be leading you to a place you don’t want to be. Keeping that distance—something you sometimes need to be reminded of—gives you a chance to assess where you are heading and whether that direction is indeed what you want. It also allows you to take control of your life, giving you the freedom and willpower to steer your own wheel, instead of relying on the car in front.

At the end of the day, you are in control of your life. If you let someone else guide you every step of the way, you won’t be truly living; you will be handing over control to someone else who may have different plans than you do. So, take that step back to reflect on what life you want to live, and perhaps question if the direction you’re headed is truly for you or someone else. Yes, you may find similarities in destination, but the paths to get there might differ—and that’s perfectly okay. Take control of your life; it’s the one thing you have authority over. And if you’re like me, accustomed to following others or being guided by what they say, you might find it a bit challenging to carve your own way. Yet, that journey is beautiful—because it feels like the world is your oyster, allowing you to rediscover or reconnect with the things that truly align with you.

Z.