Duality of self-fulfillment

We find ourselves in this internal battle, not necessarily to bring ourselves down, but to find a way to constantly be satisfied by the unknown possibility of who we can be or what we can accomplish. We battle the inner voice that tells us what and how to do things according to what we have been surrounded by or what we allow ourselves to be influenced by. But this idea of wanting to constantly seek fulfillment, by finding flaws where there is none just because we want to find that other reason as to why we must be and get better. This constant emptiness leads to a lack of self-fulfillment which limits us from enjoying the present moment. We find that the places where we have yet to succeed are another route that we can take because what we have already accomplished or the things that we have been able to overcome are not enough. But where does this constant desire to keep finding flaws where there is none come from? Where do we draw the line in being satisfied with who we are? Or how can we find a balance between being satisfied with what we have done and still feeling the need to pursue what we are passionate about? I think that it is this duality of finding the pursuit of our happiness and the satisfaction of our progress that we question our state.

Last night I came to this realization that the internal battle may come from this conflict of finding or being who we truly are even if we are surrounded by so many different versions of who we can be or who we have yet to become. Maybe the purpose of each person is to find who they are in a world surrounded by so many. But how do we do this? How do we separate the two, and how do we find the balance of both extremes? I think that the separation of everyone, what makes each person different, is what allows what is around us to function the way it does. If you think about it, we are all one, because of the similarities that each one has and lives with. But these similarities are somehow a conjunction of the mutual experiences we face that we are all trying to understand and figure out. But where we find ourselves to be different is how we choose to overcome and face these situations. These differences are what allow us to live our lives separately from others.

I found that what relates us to others in a sense is the comparison among each person, yet it is how we see that comparison that allows us to connect with the self or the ego. I was conflicted with this idea because we are so easily influenced by what is around us that we lack that inner knowing of what is right for us because of the focus we have on what is around us. The idea of wanting to prove to others rather than simply being satisfied limits us to being at peace with who we are. But the wanting to compare and prove that we can integrate ourselves in a place that has so many, limits us to embrace the beauty of being who we are because of the fear of not being equal. But the integration of society or with others may be to simply be different by being yourself.

So, why do we fear being different if being different may be the answer to being a part of a whole?

Z.