Meaning Behind Love

There is a question I was asked earlier this week that made me see the beauty of the meaning behind love and the misconception that I was drawn to for so long. I was asked if my first long relationship was my first love. To that, I had answered no. I answered no because it wasn’t necessarily my first love, but it was the first time I understood the meaning behind love and the capacity to love someone else. However, it also made me realize that there is a limitation we place on the meaning of such a powerful word - because it comes in so many ways and is expressed so differently depending on the person or situation.

I have come to also question a few things about love and the idea behind it.  We have become stigmatized to believe that love can only be expressed when given to someone else. And don’t get me wrong, the feeling that is inexplicable yet felt by everybody creates confusion and its purpose is to place meaning behind it as we continue to grow. But I think that at times, just like many concepts that we develop growing up, we become somewhat desperate to define those inexplicable things we might feel or experience. But when we become desperate, we stop seeking it within ourselves and start looking outward. We begin to find the meaning that is defined by others and depend on it to compare if we are in the same state or feeling. But why? Why do we depend on those around us to influence the way we see things and the way we should and should not feel? I think that we have been so compelled to think in certain ways because of what is around us, which is clearly normal and very common. Yet, I do believe that our surroundings are separate from us, and still a big part of shaping our being. Needless to say, I am not necessarily only speaking of beliefs and behaviours, but also the ways that we conceptualize words and feelings and how we transmit those understandings to action. And because we are so easily persuaded nowadays, with so many definitions, we become conflicted with knowing what to feel; but this is only because we are depending on others to define how to approach certain moments. But why is it still that if we do become aware of this, we still try and justify that we are not in control of certain actions and behaviours when we are in control of being able to choose what we surround ourselves by, which in turn allows us to define how we approach different situations and moments that we face throughout our life? I think that we have to learn how to unlearn the concepts that we have become so accustomed to believing and living by and find a way to create our concept and definition, specifically on concepts that are in a way inexplicable like love. But I think that we are also conflicted because we are in a time where society is constantly being divided by extremes and there is no in-between. We become drawn to thinking that we have to be categorized and labelled with certain adjectives or groups so that - yes, we feel part of something - we can have that sense of belonging. But if you think about it, it is also this idea of trying to conceptualize things on your own, we have lost the sense of individuality and self-thinking that we have depended who we are entirely on a sense of belonging, through the creation of groups or even the relation to which we react in similar ways to others. But maybe it is time that we start taking a few steps back or even aside, to simply view the way we approach, think or view certain things in our life. Trying to see if who we are is a definition of ourselves, or if we define ourselves by the words of others and the comparison to which we relate to those around us. 

So, maybe you can start by simply asking the (big) question of what love means to you. 

Z.