Take a step back and detach

One does not realize the power of detachment when faced with something we once depended on to live our lives. We often find ourselves in a constant state of seeking approval or validation from external sources, hoping to gain a sense of acceptance and belonging to avoid feeling isolated. At times, we seek connection in things that do not resonate with us in our search for fulfillment, overextending ourselves and losing our sense of self in an attempt to fill a void that never existed. However, when we choose to step back and glimpse the bigger picture, we quickly open our eyes to the fact that we have been engaging in behaviours that do not align with our true selves but were accepted merely out of habit. I realized that I existed in a state of dependency. I felt that when I took a different path from the person I admired, I sabotaged my success because I didn’t believe I deserved it. I thought that if the other was not in the same state as I was, something was wrong. It turned into a ping-pong match that drained me, leaving me uncertain of who I was without this other person. Eventually, I came to understand that it was not this person dragging me down or limiting me; rather, it was my own belief in an idea that I thought would fulfill me, even as it drained my energy and well-being. I had to take a step back and reassess how things were presented instead of justifying certain actions or blinding myself to others. I began to detach slightly, and guilt came up, urging me to do otherwise simply because this discomfort had become comfortable. Nevertheless, I started to trust my voice rather than waiting for others’ advice before taking action. Listening to myself fully was a challenge, and letting go of the notion of placing this other person on a pedestal was equally difficult, as I had given them a role that needed to meet my biased expectations. That expectation faded when I began to release the idea of the role a person had to play and instead view them as individuals who, like anyone, face challenges, grow, and make their own decisions. 

It is important to recognize something as simple as acknowledging that a person, regardless of their importance or role in your life, is still someone who is learning as they grow. Therefore, allow yourself to detach a little and see things with fresh eyes, allowing your thoughts to appear rather than continuously adding unnecessary strains that might limit your clarity (opinions or unnecessary advice/comments). Once you stop depending on someone else to be there for you every step of the way, you not only dismantle and unlearn several belief systems but also gain trust and confidence in your thoughts, feelings, and actions that align with the lessons you need to learn. 

Z.