.png)
These are two very powerful words that have become so important to me. How many times have we heard the phrase: “Just trust me! Believe me!” To me, that has become a whole lot of bull crap. For years, this led me to believe a fallacy that eventually became a way of living. The lies and dishonesty were so entangled that I could not differentiate the truth from reality. I was so blinded, and to be brutally honest, I did not want to see what was happening right in front of me. I had heard the expression, beware of the red flags, but for so long, I ignored it.
Nearly seven years ago, I embarked on a journey that required me to be brutally honest. However, it was not just being honest with myself but with the people around me. It was part of my recovery as well as my healing process. Ironically, as much as I wanted to be honest and tell the truth, I was gaslit, and my truth was distorted to benefit the other person’s position. It took me years to understand that tactic and finally own up and realize that I had allowed my integrity to be questioned and tarnished.
But you see, once you start living in a different alignment and are being true to yourself, you begin picking up on those red flags. There is the instinct or intuition that something just does not add up.
What is worse is that we are living in such a vulnerable moment, and we buy into everything that people say without checking the source or credibility of those people. Their charm and manipulation draw us to question our instincts.
Sadly, this is something that I was privy to for nearly half my life. Those who knew me knew that I had been manipulated and obliged to comply. It was such that I also found myself protecting and defending those lies. When it was time to come clean and make amends with those that had been victims of the deceit, I encountered such compassion and understanding.
I will never forget, nearly three years ago, during one of my most challenging moments, the phrase that made me have a shift in mindset was: “I know the whole truth!”. Hearing from who it was coming from and within the context, I just replied humbly, “ I own my truth, and I hope that you can as well!” I think after that moment, the relationship with this magnificent, beautiful, intelligent person changed. I had nothing to hide. As I was getting stories to justify their end, I just repeated,” I own my truth!”
I don’t know if it is a woman or mother’s intuition, but there is something that we just perceive. I have always tried to explain the importance of the truth to my kids. But, to be honest, even if the truth hurts, it is better to know it than live a lie.
There is something that I realized going into AA that has allowed me to live this journey in congruence, and that is the truth. But what has not been easy has been being honest with myself; it was facing the demons and certain beliefs that had accumulated over the years. However, this is something that I have chosen to do. I will not stand nor tolerate lies. Nor be drawn into that whirlwind of trickery.
I must admit that it has taken me a few blows along the way to be tuned into my radar; along with distancing myself or cutting myself off from those people. I find it is too toxic. And I find it pathetic that they must tell such lies because they fear what others will say if they know the truth. However, we live in a society where power, money and ignorance dictate what is displayed. And others fear facing or revealing the truth.
They don’t understand that the truth comes out sooner or later. It is up to us how we process that information and what we want to do with it.
Please be true to yourself so that you can be faithful to others. Ultimately, it is your integrity that separates you from the charlatans!
M
Comments