Triggering Comments

The comments that are made to us that we are triggered by are the things that we have yet to face and accept. 

Our past experiences form our reactions, or patterned behaviour, which become engrained in describing who we are now. We find certain parts of ourselves voided or completed by certain aspects of our lives, from relationships to careers, or even hobbies we enjoy or things we dislike. The reactions and patterns that shape us do not necessarily strictly define who we truly are, yet they tell us a story of where we come from and how we are growing or who we are becoming. This story that we tell ourselves is also a pattern of narrating certain events which can lead to us being in a loophole and being stuck in certain experiences, or even traumas that we might have come across. And it is for that reason that we may still be triggered even after time has passed after certain situations. 

In these past few days, a lot of revelations have struck me, from family dynamics to rooted belief systems that I was simply storing in the back of my mind. However, I also made myself a promise a while back (that I sometimes forget about) to face these triggers the second they appear. Some of these triggers were in the back of my mind in the hope that they would not surface again, and that is when I forgot about this promise to myself. Yet, I have come to also choose to start being brutally honest with myself in vulnerable states rather than giving myself a pity party and victimizing myself, and being kindly direct in facing these reactions.

 One of these triggers was comments that someone made without knowing the full story of a certain experience. I did not react immediately as I have found a way to start incorporating mindfulness when being triggered, but I was still offended and triggered by the comment. So I started to unravel why it is that this had happened. I was annoyed and frustrated, thinking of how they should know better or how they should take on social cues, but that was leading me nowhere. So I took a different approach, removing the blame on someone else for not knowing, and starting to question what it is that I knew myself. It turned out that the comments that were made were triggering a part of me that I had been storing up in the back of my mind because I didn’t want to accept the fact that it was still bothering me and assuming that the past could stay in the past. 

But if we are being honest here, sometimes the past is still present if we are dragging it along with us without truly letting it go or accepting that it may still be present and learning how to minimize its effect on us as we continue to grow. This shift in perspective, after having a spiral and breakdown of a series of memories and emotions, gave me a chance to look a different way and start taking control of my reactions, rather than depending on others' behaviours to dictate my way of being. 

It is difficult to accept the things that you don’t control, because you feel that you are not the one who is in demand, but it is also a relief to know that you don’t have to carry all this weight that is not even yours. Separating yourself from what others say or do, and learning how to not take it personally is a step in realizing that we may not have control of everything that is around us, but the one thing that we are in control over is ourselves. 

On that note, I ask you, what comments have been made recently that may have triggered you? You may have to look beyond the comment and look within to find out the true meaning. 

Z.