Trusting yourself in the life you're living

The biggest lesson I have faced recently is the idea of trust or the understanding of it. There is so much depth in one concept that we find different ways to approach it by giving it different meanings within different contexts. Trust is a way to have confidence in the outcomes of situations and the certainty that one can get through them and come out stronger. But how can one trust? Or better yet, how can one trust blindly if life is based on uncertainty and endless possibilities? 

One comes to terms with certain ways that life comes about, understanding what we do and do not have control over and finding ways to roam around life by accommodating ourselves in paths that align with who we are. We connect with our instinct or intuition the more we begin to rely on what we are doing and know that we are getting more from life than it is taking away from us. But what leads us to have such a perspective? How is it that life takes away from you, or seems like it does? Why are there some challenges that we face that we think we have overcome? When do we find this sense of peace when we are bombarded with overflowing thoughts and chaos that seems to surround us even if it is not directly affecting us?

I recently caught myself writing down a few things, and realizing certain thought patterns I was having. I try to understand why or how I was focused on the things I wanted to change, or how things should be different or better. I was in a state where I lacked or voided of things that even if present in my life did not feel as though they were enough. I was desperate to find ways to flip a page or end a certain chapter of continuous situations that were transpiring in my life that only seemed to be problematic. I was accustomed to these situations and getting through them, but felt that once the waters calmed down and things were falling into place, that yet another thing was to arrive. However, I found myself being scared of having to face even more things, without realizing that this fear was also limiting me not only from living in the now but from enjoying the things I have and the things that I had grown and learnt from. I was scared to face these things because I felt that I was the sole cause of certain situations that I had gone through, regardless of allowing things to happen, others were simply out of my control. I had focused a tremendous amount of energy on the things I had no control over, blaming myself for having gone through them. But this idea of shame and guilt that had accumulated within me had broken the trust I had with myself. It was not until I caught myself going down that rabbit hole that I needed to reconnect and trust myself once again. One of the things that I was beating myself up about was thinking that I was not doing enough at work because I was not seeing results. But these results were simply because I was comparing myself with others and the lives that they were living. I was bringing myself down thinking that I was not on the right path and also trying to come to terms with knowing that I have a different life than others. This comparison of thinking that I was doing something wrong or not on the right timeline that others were living, was making me question my work, life and even sense of self. I found myself bombarded with negative thoughts, thinking that I needed to accelerate certain things or find different ways to live my life. I started to see that if I were in their position I would get the results that they were getting. Yet, I had to find that separation by knowing that even if I was living the same life as someone else, I would probably not react in the same way, and vice versa. But I was also trying to come to terms with knowing that the work I am putting in not only in the things I have to do, but the things I want to do are paying off in its own time, and they are aligned with who I am and who I am coming to be. Reconnecting with this sense of self-worth and valuing my life for what it is, and understanding that I must trust that things are working out in my favour considering the person I am, but also the life I am meant to live. The lessons I am learning, and the experiences I have, have given me the chance to not only recognize my strength but also know that I am capable of so much more and that I can trust myself in the situations that I encounter, regardless of what situation that might be.

Trust came to be one of the values that required not only believing in myself but also in the things that I had no control over. The latter is more difficult because that is where one trusts blindly and without a steady foundation. However, this sense of trust can start from looking back at what one has gone through and seeing where one is now. In that process of looking back, we must be objective and rational, rather than making ourselves relive every moment and get stuck in the past once again. So, give yourself a chance to trust yourself in these moments by finding peace in how you have overcome situations, but also knowing the strength that you have gained from it.

Z.